Right now mostly looking for information about what should I be preparing for in regards to the birth, complications, advocating ect. Trying to figure out the if/then planning and scriptural implications of first born.
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Dad Advice
- Thread starter BiblicalLiteralist
- Start date
Congrats! So thrilled for you both!
There are lots of different factors - is your wife planning on a hospital birth or home birth?
There are lots of different factors - is your wife planning on a hospital birth or home birth?
I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for, but I'll share some things from my little amount of experience that might be somewhat related. I'm a brand new father. My baby daughter was born almost 6 weeks ago (almost 6 weeks early), but only recently were we able to take our baby back home from the NICU.
My wife and I found out about a serious complication with our baby 3 to 4 days before she was born. We were already in the hospital when we were told my wife needed an emergency c-section, after being told earlier that day that we would be scheduled for a planned c-section a few weeks later (I'm glossing over the roller coaster here). If we and the doctors hadn't discovered the complication, and if a natural birth had commenced, our baby likely wouldn't have survived, and my wife would likely have been at risk as well.
Our baby required surgery, which was done a week or so after birth. There wasn't a major risk of losing our baby due to the surgery, but the risk wasn't minimal, either.
We got the opportunity to surrender our baby entirely into God's hands. God knows what is good, and either causes or allows only what is good. But we don't know what He considers to be good. We thought, 'perhaps it would be good that God would heal our baby entirely, not requiring surgery'. 'Perhaps it would be good that God would take our baby home to Him, since "to live is Christ but to die is gain"'. But God did neither, and chose to allow our baby to live and have the surgery (successfully). "His ways are higher than our ways".
Perhaps He chose to let our daughter go through this so that we could demonstrate a "peace that goes beyond understanding" to those around us, to be a light in the darkness. Truly, we had more peace than would be expected, and it was noticed, and we had the opportunity to tell of the reason, that God gave us that peace. Perhaps He chose to let our baby go through it all for their own future, for some reason.
I will confess that I lost His peace at the time of the c-section. But I regained it, and focused on Him again, and it was "sweet-tasting". If God had decided to take my wife home to Him, then I would have to accept that as good, no matter the pain.
What God considers to be good, may not seem good. We may never know what the good is that He sees, we might not even be the ones that benefit from that good. But we can trust that it is there.
God is also a scheduler. There were multiple times that things were scheduled or planned out for us. He is trustworthy.
My wife and I had made numerous plans and had expressed numerous desires regarding pregnancies, births, and raising our children, and so many of them were simply dismantled by this one complication. So many that it started to become comical to us. God's plans for us override our own, and we have to take it in stride, and remember that it is good, for some reason.
Now, we're home with our daughter, and there are some small complications that we have been dealing with resulting from our stay at the NICU. It gets hard. Emotions are more at the surface. Sleep is very important, and hard to get. Our house has become messier, but that's better than our minds falling apart. The support of those around us, whether prayers, messages, or meals, is and has been very much appreciated. We were fortunate that two separate communities (church/friends, and local people) had offered to set up meal trains, even before finding out about complications. This support is very helpful.
On the practical side, I recommend looking into "Elimination Communication". Essentially, early potty training. We're just easing into it, but so far it's possibly been less traumatizing for our baby than the typical diaper changes that we were doing (possibly due to reasons particular to her circumstance), though it's hard to say for sure.
Anyway, that's some info from a specific, unlikely circumstance. The generic takeaways, though, are:
- trust God, and surrender even life and death to him (and if life and death, then also the small things)
- plan and prepare, but also be okay with going with the flow if necessary
- if you can, have people around you to support you
Note that I don't want to scare you or anyone away from home births. We would have preferred that route, but God blocked that option, and we are glad He prepared us in that way. Our circumstance is uncommon.
As far as how to scripturally handle having a firstborn... no idea!
My wife and I found out about a serious complication with our baby 3 to 4 days before she was born. We were already in the hospital when we were told my wife needed an emergency c-section, after being told earlier that day that we would be scheduled for a planned c-section a few weeks later (I'm glossing over the roller coaster here). If we and the doctors hadn't discovered the complication, and if a natural birth had commenced, our baby likely wouldn't have survived, and my wife would likely have been at risk as well.
Our baby required surgery, which was done a week or so after birth. There wasn't a major risk of losing our baby due to the surgery, but the risk wasn't minimal, either.
We got the opportunity to surrender our baby entirely into God's hands. God knows what is good, and either causes or allows only what is good. But we don't know what He considers to be good. We thought, 'perhaps it would be good that God would heal our baby entirely, not requiring surgery'. 'Perhaps it would be good that God would take our baby home to Him, since "to live is Christ but to die is gain"'. But God did neither, and chose to allow our baby to live and have the surgery (successfully). "His ways are higher than our ways".
Perhaps He chose to let our daughter go through this so that we could demonstrate a "peace that goes beyond understanding" to those around us, to be a light in the darkness. Truly, we had more peace than would be expected, and it was noticed, and we had the opportunity to tell of the reason, that God gave us that peace. Perhaps He chose to let our baby go through it all for their own future, for some reason.
I will confess that I lost His peace at the time of the c-section. But I regained it, and focused on Him again, and it was "sweet-tasting". If God had decided to take my wife home to Him, then I would have to accept that as good, no matter the pain.
What God considers to be good, may not seem good. We may never know what the good is that He sees, we might not even be the ones that benefit from that good. But we can trust that it is there.
God is also a scheduler. There were multiple times that things were scheduled or planned out for us. He is trustworthy.
My wife and I had made numerous plans and had expressed numerous desires regarding pregnancies, births, and raising our children, and so many of them were simply dismantled by this one complication. So many that it started to become comical to us. God's plans for us override our own, and we have to take it in stride, and remember that it is good, for some reason.
Now, we're home with our daughter, and there are some small complications that we have been dealing with resulting from our stay at the NICU. It gets hard. Emotions are more at the surface. Sleep is very important, and hard to get. Our house has become messier, but that's better than our minds falling apart. The support of those around us, whether prayers, messages, or meals, is and has been very much appreciated. We were fortunate that two separate communities (church/friends, and local people) had offered to set up meal trains, even before finding out about complications. This support is very helpful.
On the practical side, I recommend looking into "Elimination Communication". Essentially, early potty training. We're just easing into it, but so far it's possibly been less traumatizing for our baby than the typical diaper changes that we were doing (possibly due to reasons particular to her circumstance), though it's hard to say for sure.
Anyway, that's some info from a specific, unlikely circumstance. The generic takeaways, though, are:
- trust God, and surrender even life and death to him (and if life and death, then also the small things)
- plan and prepare, but also be okay with going with the flow if necessary
- if you can, have people around you to support you
Note that I don't want to scare you or anyone away from home births. We would have preferred that route, but God blocked that option, and we are glad He prepared us in that way. Our circumstance is uncommon.
As far as how to scripturally handle having a firstborn... no idea!
Last edited:
Man_in_the_Middle
Seasoned Member
Congratulations! There are reams of information I wish I could pour forth onto you but most of it just has to be learned the hard way.
I would say that God presents himself to us as a father for a reason. Being a father is a direct reflection of the divine nature, or at least should be at its best.
Also, the mothe/child dynamic can be, and usually is, a beautiful symbiosis. But sometimes it can turn parasitic and the two can cannibalize each other. One of your primary jobs is to protect your wife and child from each other if need be.
I would say that God presents himself to us as a father for a reason. Being a father is a direct reflection of the divine nature, or at least should be at its best.
Also, the mothe/child dynamic can be, and usually is, a beautiful symbiosis. But sometimes it can turn parasitic and the two can cannibalize each other. One of your primary jobs is to protect your wife and child from each other if need be.
Keep it coming everyone, and thank you to those who have responded so far.