Is It Time to Start Arranged Marriages Again?

[Jason Cook]

Brothers and Sisters,


We live in a culture where young people are trained for rebellion, not responsibility. Courtship has been replaced with casual sin. Marriage is delayed, distorted, or destroyed. Fathers are sidelined, young women are unguarded, and sons are left to stumble through the ruins of dating culture with no sword, no shield, and no standard.

So we must ask: Is it time to restore arranged marriages?

Not in the worldly sense of coercion or cold deals, but in the Biblical sense of fathers leading, households aligning, and covenantal unions being formed with wisdom, purpose, and generational vision. Abraham sent a servant with instructions and prayer; not a dating app. Isaac trusted his father’s covering. Jacob labored for years to earn the right to marry. Where is that kind of structure today?

In a righteous patriarchal household, marriage is not a romantic gamble—it is a strategic covenant.

Let’s discuss:

• Should fathers and patriarchs be arranging or initiating matches today?
• At what age should sons and daughters begin seeking or being presented?
• How do you teach your children to prepare for covenant, not chemistry?
• What are the dangers of leaving marriage up to the world’s methods?
• Has your family arranged, or considered arranging, a match?

Let this be a thread of wisdom, testimony, and boldness. The household must take back what the state and culture have stolen. Dominion begins with righteous unions.


In honor and headship,
Lord Redbeard
Tennessee | Patriarch of a Growing Household | Builder of the Great Order

 

[MemeFan]

Why is everybody so bloody obsessed with arranged marriages? This idea returns every like 2 months here.

Sometimes there things can be based on Holy Spirit work, but sometimes they are consequences of stupid easy ideas.

See, Bible has several time this idea, we should copy it blindly. To be frank, blind copying is mark of moron because you can copy "success" and finish in disaster simply because paramemeters for "success" don't exist anymore.

Let's go back in history several milleniums, back to biblical times. What you have then and not now (looking in West): clannish societies, far greater needed for male protection and no institution bribing women to divorce.

What makes you think arranged marriage will fix any of above? Or recreate small bubble of ancient society inside modern society? Are modern marriage alliance between clans? That why arranged marriage do exist.

Don't be stupid as most classical liberals. Welfare state bring immigrants who live from welfare avoiding work. Should we close borders then? No way, that against human rights.

What's idiocy? Well, West should keep importing welfare loving immigrants who will keep voting for welfare and therefore blocking classical liberal goal of elimination of welfare state. That's shooting shotgun into eye.

And again covenant for marriage. How long will I have to repeat that stable marriage requires interest in mating and similar interests between partners to stay alive. From Lord's perspective covenant may be most important of marriage since it's picture of His love and faithfullness towards us.

However, real humans have ....needs which must be fullfilled, otherwise you don't something perceived as blessing, but prison.

Remember, West is civilization where everybody wants to live. Currently it's under woke/civil rights cancer, but after cancer treatmeant old glory will return. Meaning West has doing many things right.

And Western women always had way more freedom than rest to choose their mate than rest. What makes you think freedom to choose mate for women is actually disaster?

And you can't say, West is wrong about monogamy-only. First, this rule wasn't never followed for centuries when West was born. Also, monogamy-only goes against human nature (gene spreading for man, preselection for woman), something which you can't claim goes for woman choosing mate.

Btw, woman can always choose it's action even when under threat of violence which is consequence of free will which is why rape, murder and theft are crimes. They all break free will. This is reason why forced marriage is seen as evil. How you will be able do discern forced marriage versus arranged marriage?

Dear daughter, you don't want to marry my perfect husband for you? No problemo, no more food for you.

Notice sarcasm in previous paragraf. Also notice that father and daughter fo have different ideas who and what makes perfect husband. How do you plan to reduce this difference and choose perfect husband using her criteria? Or you think your criteria is better.

Also, we should stop blaming women for all social/political evils in today's world. Here I mean variants of remove 19th amendment. Obviously, idea of arranged marriage is connected with remove 19th because spirit is similar.

Love isn't control and ruling. Love is freedom, otherwise Lord would have us as slaves or robots.

 

[Jason Cook]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. But what you call “obsession” is, in truth, a longing for restoration. The modern West has not produced flourishing households but broken homes, disposable marriages, and rebellious daughters. We’re not attempting to “copy blindly,” but to obey wisely. The principles of Biblical headship, father-led covenantal unions, and generational alignment are timeless because they’re not cultural constructs, they are God-ordained structures. Abraham wasn’t acting as a tribalist, but as a patriarch. And Christ is preparing a Bride in like manner.

You say love must be free. I agree, but freedom without form leads to chaos. Arranged marriage under godly authority is not coercion, it’s covenant. It does not mean a daughter is forced into marriage, but that she is protected from the confusion and carnality of modern dating. It means a father stands as a covering, not a tyrant. You mention desire and interests as essential, and they are. But they should be shaped under the guidance of wisdom, not lust, not cultural whims, and not personal autonomy divorced from accountability.

No system is perfect, but abandoning God’s design because the modern world mocks it is not the answer. Restoring headship, order, and family government is not about control, it’s about love, protection, and dominion. We don’t need to copy the past, we need to obey the Word and build a future.

 

[MemeFan]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. But what you call “obsession” is, in truth, a longing for restoration. The modern West has not produced flourishing households but broken homes, disposable marriages, and rebellious daughters.

Yes, because West is under attack of cultural Marxists. Unless you get rid of them, poison will keep dripping. Also, it doesn't mean your solution is right.

My favourite post's part is "rebellious" daughters. Rebellion from perspective of slave owner or you disagree what are someone rightfull askings?

Rebellion from what? Rebellion for what?

We’re not attempting to “copy blindly,” but to obey wisely. The principles of Biblical headship, father-led covenantal unions, and generational alignment are timeless because they’re not cultural constructs, they are God-ordained structures. Abraham wasn’t acting as a tribalist, but as a patriarch. And Christ is preparing a Bride in like manner.

Unless you have good idea of cause and effect relationships, you are being blind. World is way more complex than you think.

God-ordained structures would become part of nature, so by checking nature we should be able to find them. Did you do this check or you are just qouting Bible?

You say love must be free. I agree, but freedom without form leads to chaos. Arranged marriage under godly authority is not coercion, it’s covenant.

It's coercion if daughter says no. Also, human need is to be wanted and desired which only free person can give.

It means nothing to me if father desires me as husband to his daughter while daughter prefers suicide over marriage. That's rejection, pretty hardcore.

It does not mean a daughter is forced into marriage, but that she is protected from the confusion and carnality of modern dating. It means a father stands as a covering, not a tyrant.

Oh protection. Favourite excuse of tyrants to "helps" us.

What is wrong and what is exactly "carnality"? Maybe this is natural way to form relationship.

You see, only way to get arranged marriage looks to me is for you to convince women they aren't able to take care of themselves which means you will be able to reduce legal righst of womenfolk (for their protection of course). Which opens question how did you train daughter in "husband selection"?

If you did zero here, well obviously, daughter can only learn from mother, culture and on her own experience. Since untrained person can't perform, maybe real reason is lack of leadership by fathers in this domain.

Strange how leadership failure here isn't first suspect failure mode, but rebellious daughters are.

You are speaking of leadership. You must always start assuming it's your failure first and foremost. Also, subordinates have right to leader who is competent in his role.

Arranged marriage looks to me as forms of fishing for somebody instead of teaching fishing.

You mention desire and interests as essential, and they are. But they should be shaped under the guidance of wisdom, not lust, not cultural whims, and not personal autonomy divorced from accountability.

These desires are part of Lord's creation and therefore good in themselves. Which mean they don't need protection and guidance of something higher.

No system is perfect, but abandoning God’s design because the modern world mocks it is not the answer. Restoring headship, order, and family government is not about control, it’s about love, protection, and dominion. We don’t need to copy the past, we need to obey the Word and build a future.

I sense you being too certain of knowing what exactly God's standard is. At least my doubts do open way to gentle correction. Better than breaking head trying to drive throught wall.

We need to learn from past.

 

[UtahLife]

Hard pass.

 

[Mojo]

Hard pass.

On arranged marriages or on engaging in the topic?

 

[Jason Cook]

Just for Clarification:

"Arranged marriages", not in the tyrannical or loveless sense imagined by modern minds, but in the Biblical sense: family-led, father-governed, covenant-oriented unions. We’ve let a godless culture convince our sons and daughters that feelings, chemistry, and dating are superior guides than wisdom, heritage, and headship. The result? A generation drowning in delayed marriages, fornication, and fruitlessness.


Scripture presents arranged marriages not as an archaic relic, but as a righteous norm. Abraham chose a wife for Isaac. Jacob agreed to marry within the family line. The father is the head, the gatekeeper, the one who grants permission or denies access (Exodus 22:17, Numbers 30). If we want to see generational dominion restored, we must reclaim our God-ordained authority, not only in ruling the home, but in raising up covenant households through rightly ordered marriage. Fathers must arrange, vet, and guide, because chaos reigns where there is no shepherd.

 

[MemeFan]

We’ve let a godless culture convince our sons and daughters that feelings, chemistry, and dating are superior guides than wisdom, heritage, and headship.

Wisdom would use chemistry too.

To make analogy. Intution is "chemical" too, "feeling". Only fools don't use it.

 

[frederick]

Only fools don't use it.

Proverbs 28:26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool

 

[MemeFan]

Proverbs 28:26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool

Since Lord is truth itself, trusting anything you is issue.

Or maybe we should appreciate our senses and all we use in perceiving word and accept it's not 100% reliable? Lack of reliability doesn't mean it's bad.

 

[steve]

Lack of reliabolity doesn't mean it's bad.

Well it sure isn’t good!

 

[Mojo]

Wisdom would use chemistry too.

To make analogy. Intution is "chemical" too, "feeling". Only fools don't use it.

Yes, but the wisdom of age and experience of invested parents on both sides would help young people to see if its true chemistry or speculative alchemy.

Biblically based arranged marriages that are proposed here rely on the wisdom of age and lived experience...something that some folks on this forum disregard.

 

[frederick]

true chemistry or speculative alchemy.

That needs to be kept in one's Response armamentarium!

 

[OttoM]

Ephesians 2:2
In which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the children of disobedience;

Today - the majority of women prepare their lives for college. And they date and sleep with boys.

If the current system is working - why is the divorce rate so high? Why are women the primary one’s initiating the divorce?

Women don’t know what they want. Men were created to lead. Men must lead.

Majority of women that finish high school (18 years of age), should be looking into marriage. Yes, I agree with arranged marriages with righteous and proven men. The current system promotes fornication and rebellion against the Creator’s chain of command.

 

[Mojo]

Ephesians 2:2
In which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the children of disobedience;

Today - the majority of women prepare their lives for college. And they date and sleep with boys.

If the current system is working - why is the divorce rate so high? Why are women the primary one’s initiating the divorce?

Women don’t know what they want. Men were created to lead. Men must lead.

Majority of women that finish high school (18 years of age), should be looking into marriage. Yes, I agree with arranged marriages with righteous and proven men. The current system promotes fornication and rebellion against the Creator’s chain of command.

There are still a few solid Christian colleges around that allow a girl to find serious husbands. The problem is that less and less males are attending any college (not necessarily a bad thing, just reality).

 

[Jason Cook]

wich ones tho asking for a friend who’s tired of Proverbs 31 girls majoring in “finding Boaz” but graduating with student debt and a Pinterest addiction

There are still a few solid Christian colleges around that allow a girl to find serious husbands. The problem is that less and less males are attending any college (not necessarily a bad thing, just reality).

 

[Mark C]

There are still a few solid Christian colleges around that allow a girl to find serious husbands. The problem is that less and less males are attending any college (not necessarily a bad thing, just reality).

I'd like to know of a SINGLE 'xtian college' that actually teaches His entire Word, "as Written." Color me skeptical of the 'solid' ones...

 

[MemeFan]

Yes, but the wisdom of age and experience of invested parents on both sides would help young people to see if its true chemistry or speculative alchemy.

What difference between speculative vs true chemistry?

Biblically based arranged marriages that are proposed here rely on the wisdom of age and lived experience...something that some folks on this forum disregard.

Problem is that parents being useful requires them having correct cause - effect understanding.

Looking at current divorce statistics, let's just say, most parents would have negative contribution, ie. they would help cause divorce.

Why don't you use local pick-up artists for advice? They have way better understanding how women function than 98+% of parents.

 

[NBTX11]

I'd like to know of a SINGLE 'xtian college' that actually teaches His entire Word, "as Written." Color me skeptical of the 'solid' ones...

It's better than to send them to random state university, where they will be filled with left wing indoctrination and frankly, be run through in "dating" relationships.

 

[Mojo]

wich ones tho asking for a friend who’s tired of Proverbs 31 girls majoring in “finding Boaz” but graduating with student debt and a Pinterest addiction

I’ve not visited, nor am I a graduate, but I’ve heard from others that Pensacola (FL) Christian College and Maranatha (WI) Baptist are decent schools.