Is Monogamy a Key Cause of High Divorce Rates?

[Jason Cook]

We’ve all heard it said that polygyny leads to jealousy, chaos, and broken homes. But what if the truth is the opposite?​

What if the modern obsession with monogamy, especially forced monogamy, has created a fragile, unrealistic expectation of marriage? What if men were never meant to pour every ounce of leadership, provision, emotional connection, and physical energy into one woman, and what if that very burden is why so many burn out and walk away?

Let’s consider:

• The Bible never commands monogamy.
• Most of the patriarchs had multiple wives.
• Monogamy is a Greco-Roman ideal, not a Hebrew one.
• And the modern West, with its rigid one-man-one-woman model, has the highest divorce rates in history.

Could it be that monogamy isn't sacred, it's just normal in a broken world?
Could it be that polygyny is God's relief valve, His way to expand households, share the burden of womanly workload, and build stable generational families?


Let’s discuss it. Seriously, and Biblically.


—Jason Cook

 

[steve]

Well, since polygyny was not available to even 20% of the males, I don’t think that we can place too much of marriage failures on MO.

 

[steve]

It should make for a good discussion, though.

 

[Jason Cook]

Well, since polygyny was not available to even 20% of the males, I don’t think that we can place too much of marriage failures on MO.

That’s an interesting point, but I’d challenge the assumption that only 20% of men historically engaged in polygyny, or that this limited its societal impact.

First, even if only a fraction of men actively practiced polygyny, its availability as a lawful and honored institution shaped the culture as a whole. The possibility of a man receiving another wife, especially a righteous, fruitful man, created natural accountability, healthy female competition, and a safeguard against idolatrous female dominance in the home. That alone preserved marriages better than our modern system does.

Second, the idea that only “wealthy men” could support multiple wives ignores both Scripture and historical examples. Jacob worked 14 years to marry two women. Elkanah had two wives, and Scripture doesn't portray him as a king or nobleman. Many agrarian and covenantal societies normalized polygyny as a practical necessity for productivity, survival, and household dominion. It wasn’t always about luxury, it was about fruitfulness and order.

Monogamy, on the other hand, as a universal mandate creates a bottleneck where high-value men are overburdened and lower-value men are excluded altogether. Meanwhile, women, told they must be the "only one", develop expectations no one man can meet without slowly collapsing under the pressure.

Polygyny may not have been common for all, but neither was successfully sustained monogamy. And if we’re judging systems by their fruit… it’s worth asking which one truly builds nations and households that last.

 

[MemeFan]

There wasn't polygyny in 19th, 18th and 17th century. Marriage worked with low divorce rate.

So it must be something else. You can start with no fault divorce.

 

[steve]

First, even if only a fraction of men actively practiced polygyny, its availability as a lawful and honored institution shaped the culture as a whole. The possibility of a man receiving another wife, especially a righteous, fruitful man, created natural accountability, healthy female competition, and a safeguard against idolatrous female dominance in the home. That alone preserved marriages better than our modern system does.

This is true.
It is what I refer to as a capitalistic view of marriage, you have to earn it. Accountability and competition is good for the market.
Socialist view is that every guy gets a woman, no matter his credentials. Monogamy only.

Second, the idea that only “wealthy men” could support multiple wives ignores both Scripture and historical examples. Jacob worked 14 years to marry two women. Elkanah had two wives, and Scripture doesn't portray him as a king or nobleman. Many agrarian and covenantal societies normalized polygyny as a practical necessity for productivity, survival, and household dominion. It wasn’t always about luxury, it was about fruitfulness and order.

That concept is not on the table with me.
We are incredibly rich, by historical standards, and finance’s shouldn’t be an issue.

Monogamy, on the other hand, as a universal mandate creates a bottleneck where high-value men are overburdened and lower-value men are excluded altogether.

I don’t follow you here.
The bottleneck that I see is that once the good men are taken, women have to settle for the not-so-good guys or remain single.

Meanwhile, women, told they must be the "only one", develop expectations no one man can meet without slowly collapsing under the pressure.

Good guys don’t collapse under the pressure so much as they give up on making her happy. At that point they just don’t care.

 

[Mojo]

We’ve all heard it said that polygyny leads to jealousy, chaos, and broken homes. But what if the truth is the opposite?​

What if the modern obsession with monogamy, especially forced monogamy, has created a fragile, unrealistic expectation of marriage? What if men were never meant to pour every ounce of leadership, provision, emotional connection, and physical energy into one woman, and what if that very burden is why so many burn out and walk away?

Let’s consider:

• The Bible never commands monogamy.
• Most of the patriarchs had multiple wives.
• Monogamy is a Greco-Roman ideal, not a Hebrew one.
• And the modern West, with its rigid one-man-one-woman model, has the highest divorce rates in history.

Could it be that monogamy isn't sacred, it's just normal in a broken world?
Could it be that polygyny is God's relief valve, His way to expand households, share the burden of womanly workload, and build stable generational families?


Let’s discuss it. Seriously, and Biblically.


—Jason Cook

I don’t have a disagreement per se, but I’m not sure you are accounting for the common practice in many “monogamy only” societies, including Christian, where side women were/are commonly factored into a marriage.

The woman I love
The woman I married
The woman I want to spend my life with

And may the three never meet.

It was just a matter of life, but divorce wasn’t so easily allowed.

 

[Bartato]

The erroneous doctrine of "monogamy only" certainly contributes to marital instability and our culture of divorce.

One aspect is that it helps convert marriage from being a covenantal relationship (with a leader and follower) to it being an egalitarian partnership between two equals.

Combine "monogamy only", no fault divorce, gyno centric laws and courts, birth control, the sexual revolution (particularly female promiscuity), and the availability of porn, and you end up where we are.

 

[Bartato]

We’ve all heard it said that polygyny leads to jealousy, chaos, and broken homes. But what if the truth is the opposite?​

I think the corruption of the human heart is the primary cause of jealousy, chaos, and broken homes.

True faith in, and repentance to Christ, is the only answer to this problem.

Men and women abiding in Christ will build stable loving and God honoring families, whether monogamous, or polygynous.

Ungodly men and women will tend to wreck their families, both monogamous and polygamous.

 

[Mark C]

I think the corruption of the human heart is the primary cause of jealousy, chaos, and broken homes.

True faith in, and repentance to Christ, is the only answer to this problem.

Men and women abiding in Christ will build stable loving and God honoring families, whether monogamous, or polygynous.

Ungodly men and women will tend to wreck their families, both monogamous and polygamous.

Some of us will still point out that most of xtianity has fallen for EXACTLY what Paul warned about in II Corinthians 11:4. Following a fake saves nothing, but does lead to exactly where we are now.

 

[Bartato]

Some of us will still point out that most of xtianity has fallen for EXACTLY what Paul warned about in II Corinthians 11:4. Following a fake saves nothing, but does lead to exactly where we are now.

Some of us will still point out that most of the Torah Observant /Hebrew Roots movement has also fallen for EXACTLY what Paul warned about in II Corinthians 11:4. Following a fake saves nothing, but does lead to exactly where we are now.

 

[MemeFan]

Combine "monogamy only", no fault divorce, gyno centric laws and courts, birth control, the sexual revolution (particularly female promiscuity), and the availability of porn, and you end up where we are.

Now we talking.

Finally someone with some real common sense.

Obviously, complex stuff doesn't have one single cause (recurvise rules are only exception).

 

[Mark C]

Some of us will still point out that most of the Torah Observant /Hebrew Roots movement has also fallen for EXACTLY what Paul warned about in II Corinthians 11:4. Following a fake saves nothing, but does lead to exactly where we are now.

You missed (or ignored ) the point...

Monogamy-worship is a prime symptom of "another jesus" regardless of what name you try to slap on it. It leads where we are now. QED.

 

[MeganC]

There wasn't polygyny in 19th, 18th and 17th century. Marriage worked with low divorce rate.

So it must be something else. You can start with no fault divorce.

Everyone here is missing children.

Children do a lot to create a durable bond with a couple and for some weird reason modern society and even Christians would seem to be uncomfortable with this reality.

 

[cubanito]

 

[cubanito]

Something some might find interesting.

 

[cubanito]

It's mostly about being fruitful and multiply, children do help form stronger bond.

 

[MemeFan]

Everyone here is missing children.

Children do a lot to create a durable bond with a couple and for some weird reason modern society and even Christians would seem to be uncomfortable with this reality.

So obvious.

Doing purpose of marriage helps marriage.

 

[FollowingHim2]

Everyone here is missing children.

Children do a lot to create a durable bond with a couple and for some weird reason modern society and even Christians would seem to be uncomfortable with this reality.

Also the lack of children, and how those children were prevented. I truly believe that hormonal birth control has a lot to answer for.

 

[cubanito]

Also the lack of children, and how those children were prevented. I truly believe that hormonal birth control has a lot to answer for.

Too much self too.