Thank you
@FollowingHim2 for writing this message.
I made the decision to walk the path of creating a biblical family about 6 months ago and told my wife of my intentions soon after I started doing my research.
The timing of finding your article was perfect. Yesterday I had a deep and meaningful, open-hearted conversation with my 1st wife. I have given her several books to read, as well as articles and this forum. She has been 'open' to the idea and I thought things were 'going great'.
However, I could tell that she was struggling and so I asked her to lay beside me in bed. Wrapped her in my arms and gave her the opportunity to fully express her feelings and emotions on the topic with no filter, all raw and real. I listened calmly and patiently.
Some of the things that she said:
"I don't want to share my husband."
"I understand what all the books say and what the Bible says, but I'm not ready."
I started to get a bit defensive, then stopped. And listened more, keeping calm and feeling great empathy towards her.
I did not 'cave in' or tell her that I won't do X or Y. I simply committed to being a patient and compassionate leader, making the choices I feel called to do, which include helping all members of my family get to the destination together.
^^^ this is the short version.
Later in the day I hopped onto this forum and ended up finding this article. Read it. BAM! Wow, that's exactly correct and that's where we're at. Sent it to her. She resonated well with it, and also read the first page of comments.
Our relationship has gotten much stronger since I made the decision to walk this path, and I have grown as a man and patriarch as I continue to learn
and continue to be patient and compassionate.
@FollowingHim thank you for this comment re: obeying and following God's guidance, even if we are 'not ready'. Also, the point about husbanding is timeless and a great reminder.
My role as husband is to be a guide (spiritual and physical), not a persuader or manipulator. If she chooses to follow, that is wonderful. If she chooses not to, that is my burden to bear, and I can only be firm yet patient.
It is impossible to force someone to willingly go along, and the last thing I want is a family of people (wives or children) who do 'what I want' because I have mentally beaten them into submission. I know the pain of this very well because my relationship with my parents was very much like that, and it only leads to bitterness and sadness.
By God's grace and mercy I have learned and am continuing to learn to lead with love... not force.