Our story so far was a bit of a disappointment but a message to not give up

[Jamie101]

In my introduction to this forum, I briefly talked about how my wife Natalie gained a testimony of plural marriage, and felt called to live it before even I did. Once I finally confirmed that it is of God and that we should live it as a family, we met a girl who is almost identical age to my wife Natalie. I’m about 16 years older than my wife. She’s in her early 30s now while I’m in my late 40s. At the time of meeting this new girl, it was a few years ago when they were both 29. Her name was Chloe. From the beginning, both Natalie and Chloe got along very well.

Long story short, Chloe came here to visit multiple times, everything seemed wonderful. She agreed to marriage. Natalie insisted that we go off and that her sister wife have a honeymoon and some intimate time away with me, just like she got as a wife when we were first married. Natalie is very selfless that way.

Upon returning after several days, instead of being a jealous mess, Natalie was just very happy to see me. I of course missed her and was very happy to see her too. It brought us closer, even to the point of some of the closest intimacy we’ve ever had as a couple within the first 24 hours of being home. It didn’t cause her to be possessive or jealous, but rather the temporary time apart for several days strengthen our bond.

Chloe, however, started to be jealous. She had not yet moved here and had returned home to start to figure things out as far as when she was going to move, etc. In the process of doing that, she started nitpicking every little thing possible as far as why we had to live on a farm, why we couldn’t just live in the city with her in a different house than Natalie, why we choose to homeschool instead of dump our kids off in public school, and taking little stabs at Natalie to me behind Natalie’s back for doing nothing more than Natalie simply just being herself as a good wife and mother. Chloe would often get upset and talk about how Natalie gets to be with me more due to the fact that she had not yet moved here. Chloe also started talking about how she wanted to come here and take me to exotic places and travel the world. I immediately reminded her that I am a husband and father first and that while a little vacation here and there is a good thing, that excessive travel and expending resources outside of taking care of our home and family would be inappropriate. These are all things that we discussed prior to marriage in which at the time she agreed with, but it was for nothing more than to pacify both myself and Natalie.

In the end, she said she “couldn’t do this anymore“ and that she needed to move on and find someone else to “hang with” who wasn’t tied down to a farm and home where she could have him all to herself whenever she wanted. Yes, she was admitting that marriage was that disposable to her. She literally came into our home, made us think that she was for plural marriage, and that she respected Natalie, but in reality, her purpose was to have a travel buddy to have sex with on the road. There was no intention of true marriage. In the end, she even told me that despite what she said earlier, she didn’t even believe in God and that she felt abortion would be fine if she got pregnant after being with me.

This is a cautionary tale to everyone for two reasons…

1. It is so critical to meet in the correct places where people are grounded in the understandings and principles of Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, dating websites, even the ones that tout that they support polygamy or plural marriage are rarely ever the correct place to meet. It is critical to make sure that whomever we marry, that they are deeply rooted in Christ and principles of responsibility, morality, children, family, and to know that marriage is a sacred covenant that is forever, as in non-disposable. Marrying the wrong person, especially in a plural family sitting is literally the equivalent of bringing evil and destruction into your home.

2. Do not get discouraged. The heart to do things right can sometimes mean that people let you down. But you get back up. You learn to love and trust again. You learn to have your eyes more wide open, but you don’t let it stop you from doing what is right. An experience that negative could have ruined my beautiful wife Natalie and her view of plural marriage, but instead it taught her all the more that what she is doing is right. She realizes that it’s not the institution of plural marriage but rather the integrity of those involved. She said “I know you did the right thing and that we are both doing the right thing, being wronged like that will not be upon our head.” It showed me how much of an amazing and godly woman she is and that moving forward, we don’t want to replicate a bad experience like Chloe with additional wives that come into our home. Natalie could have easily just said absolutely not, or no more plural marriage! Instead, she showed what women who are rooted in Christ, resilient, mature, wise, self-respecting, forgiving, down to earth with reality, and who wish to be dedicated wives and mothers are like. Good women who look to Christ and treat each other as Christ are such a strength to the home and family. They are the unbreakable rock of the family.

To sum everything up, yes, I have had experience being the husband in multiple marriages and practicing plurality in our home, but it certainly was a learning phase and test of temperance and strength. It was God’s lesson to teach us what not to do, and show us what our family should not look like, in order for us to know what a godly plural family can and does look like. I look forward to marriages in the near future that while everyone is imperfect, it is perfect and beautiful for our family nonetheless.

 

[steve]

That was a tough experience to have to go through. It sounds like you both have been strengthened by it. Praise Yah!

I have long said that the enemy of our souls will draw inappropriate people into this lifestyle in order to discredit and destroy it.
This is an example of what I was referring to. I’m sorry that you had to experience it.

 

[Jamie101]

That was a tough experience to have to go through. It sounds like you both have been strengthened by it. Praise Yah!

I have long said that the enemy of our souls will draw inappropriate people into this lifestyle in order to discredit and destroy it.
This is an example of what I was referring to. I’m sorry that you had to experience it.

Thank you so much for that insight. You stated something that is profoundly true. The enemy will do anything to try and destroy this higher law of marriage, which is a godly institution. It is so often mocked, misunderstood on purpose, and misused in order for the world to say “see, told you so.”

And that’s exactly what happened here. On the surface, the average person would look at our situation and analyze it as something such as “see that’s what happens when you do something like polygamy.“ In reality, it was evil trying to infiltrate and destroy the higher law of marriage. Furthermore, it was evil trying to get in between my marriage with Natalie. Thankfully, it didn’t work. It only strengthened us while learning from it.

 

[frederick]

Furthermore, it was evil trying to get in between my marriage with Natalie.

One of the biggest battles we face is female friends of my wives trying to get between me and my wives encouraging them to divorce me. And it's the women who claim to be Christians who are the worst offenders. I'm very grateful for the strength of conviction my wives have that has helped them to stand firm in the righteousness of biblical marriage.

 

[MeganC]

Long story short, Chloe came here to visit multiple times, everything seemed wonderful. She agreed to marriage. Natalie insisted that we go off and that her sister wife have a honeymoon and some intimate time away with me, just like she got as a wife when we were first married. Natalie is very selfless that way.

Upon returning after several days, instead of being a jealous mess, Natalie was just very happy to see me. I of course missed her and was very happy to see her too. It brought us closer, even to the point of some of the closest intimacy we’ve ever had as a couple within the first 24 hours of being home. It didn’t cause her to be possessive or jealous, but rather the temporary time apart for several days strengthen our bond.

I know everything with Chloe went wrong but just wanted to say that IMHO everything you and Natalie did was right.

 

[steve]

At the end of the day, you gave her every chance to walk a righteous path with you.
You never know but that you might have planted a seed that Yah will water later and may affect her eternal soul.

 

[Jamie101]

At the end of the day, you gave her every chance to walk a righteous path with you.
You never know but that you might have planted a seed that Yah will water later and may affect her eternal soul.

Thank you. I certainly hope so as I want her to have true happiness. You have a great point. Seeds are planted all the time, even if they don’t always manifest immediately.

 

[Jamie101]

I know everything with Chloe went wrong but just wanted to say that IMHO everything you and Natalie did was right.

Thank you. I appreciate that very much. It was the first time for us, I certainly hope that I made her feel loved and special. In the end, she had her agency. I believe in agency and hope she makes the right choices at some point and finds true happiness.

 

[Jamie101]

One of the biggest battles we face is female friends of my wives trying to get between me and my wives encouraging them to divorce me. And it's the women who claim to be Christians who are the worst offenders. I'm very grateful for the strength of conviction my wives have that has helped them to stand firm in the righteousness of biblical marriage.

You bring up something that is very critically important. I have actually seen and heard of wives in other families facing the exact same pressure to leave their husband as you speak of here.

My wife is friends with one woman who is a plural wife in a family. They moved to a different area and people from the church started coming and visiting each of the wives. Each one of them were told that they should consider not practicing plural marriage and to leave their husband. They were each promised a “good monogamous man“ and that there were so many “good men in the church that needed a wife too, but couldn’t because of people like their husband unrighteously taking all the women for himself.“ each of the wives unequivocally stated that they were very happy and in love with their husband, that they chose him of their own free will, and that no other man would even come close to him. One leader in the church told them to stop referring to their husband as “husband“ because they were not legally married by the state with a certificate.“

You are so right on with regard to outside interference. It’s a fine balance because I feel it’s critical to maintain a presence in society and not become antisocial or awkward, but at the same time one must be willing and ready to quash any type of negative outside interference by letting people know that they are being disrespectful in saying things such as that. But even better is having wives who are strong and will be assertive on their own and for each other because they are rooted in correct doctrine and principles. The power found within a true sisterhood is unbreakable.

 

[MemeFan]

My wife is friends with one woman who is a plural wife in a family. They moved to a different area and people from the church started coming and visiting each of the wives. Each one of them were told that they should consider not practicing plural marriage and to leave their husband. They were each promised a “good monogamous man“ and that there were so many “good men in the church that needed a wife too, but couldn’t because of people like their husband unrighteously taking all the women for himself.“ each of the wives unequivocally stated that they were very happy and in love with their husband, that they chose him of their own free will, and that no other man would even come close to him. One leader in the church told them to stop referring to their husband as “husband“ because they were not legally married by the state with a certificate.“

LOL, some people can't imagine sharing is better than having man for yourself.

 

[Man_in_the_Middle]

LOL, some people can't imagine sharing is better than having man for yourself.

So true.... I was just talking to my wife about a prior potential from a while back and she was warm to everything but sharing was the one thing she was not mentally able to get over. The good news was that there was a lot of bible washing that happened up to that point.

 

[MemeFan]

In my introduction to this forum, I briefly talked about how my wife Natalie gained a testimony of plural marriage, and felt called to live it before even I did. Once I finally confirmed that it is of God and that we should live it as a family, we met a girl who is almost identical age to my wife Natalie. I’m about 16 years older than my wife. She’s in her early 30s now while I’m in my late 40s. At the time of meeting this new girl, it was a few years ago when they were both 29. Her name was Chloe. From the beginning, both Natalie and Chloe got along very well.

Long story short, Chloe came here to visit multiple times, everything seemed wonderful. She agreed to marriage. Natalie insisted that we go off and that her sister wife have a honeymoon and some intimate time away with me, just like she got as a wife when we were first married. Natalie is very selfless that way.

Upon returning after several days, instead of being a jealous mess, Natalie was just very happy to see me. I of course missed her and was very happy to see her too. It brought us closer, even to the point of some of the closest intimacy we’ve ever had as a couple within the first 24 hours of being home. It didn’t cause her to be possessive or jealous, but rather the temporary time apart for several days strengthen our bond.

Chloe, however, started to be jealous. She had not yet moved here and had returned home to start to figure things out as far as when she was going to move, etc. In the process of doing that, she started nitpicking every little thing possible as far as why we had to live on a farm, why we couldn’t just live in the city with her in a different house than Natalie, why we choose to homeschool instead of dump our kids off in public school, and taking little stabs at Natalie to me behind Natalie’s back for doing nothing more than Natalie simply just being herself as a good wife and mother. Chloe would often get upset and talk about how Natalie gets to be with me more due to the fact that she had not yet moved here. Chloe also started talking about how she wanted to come here and take me to exotic places and travel the world. I immediately reminded her that I am a husband and father first and that while a little vacation here and there is a good thing, that excessive travel and expending resources outside of taking care of our home and family would be inappropriate. These are all things that we discussed prior to marriage in which at the time she agreed with, but it was for nothing more than to pacify both myself and Natalie.

In the end, she said she “couldn’t do this anymore“ and that she needed to move on and find someone else to “hang with” who wasn’t tied down to a farm and home where she could have him all to herself whenever she wanted. Yes, she was admitting that marriage was that disposable to her. She literally came into our home, made us think that she was for plural marriage, and that she respected Natalie, but in reality, her purpose was to have a travel buddy to have sex with on the road. There was no intention of true marriage. In the end, she even told me that despite what she said earlier, she didn’t even believe in God and that she felt abortion would be fine if she got pregnant after being with me.

This is a cautionary tale to everyone for two reasons…

1. It is so critical to meet in the correct places where people are grounded in the understandings and principles of Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, dating websites, even the ones that tout that they support polygamy or plural marriage are rarely ever the correct place to meet. It is critical to make sure that whomever we marry, that they are deeply rooted in Christ and principles of responsibility, morality, children, family, and to know that marriage is a sacred covenant that is forever, as in non-disposable. Marrying the wrong person, especially in a plural family sitting is literally the equivalent of bringing evil and destruction into your home.

2. Do not get discouraged. The heart to do things right can sometimes mean that people let you down. But you get back up. You learn to love and trust again. You learn to have your eyes more wide open, but you don’t let it stop you from doing what is right. An experience that negative could have ruined my beautiful wife Natalie and her view of plural marriage, but instead it taught her all the more that what she is doing is right. She realizes that it’s not the institution of plural marriage but rather the integrity of those involved. She said “I know you did the right thing and that we are both doing the right thing, being wronged like that will not be upon our head.” It showed me how much of an amazing and godly woman she is and that moving forward, we don’t want to replicate a bad experience like Chloe with additional wives that come into our home. Natalie could have easily just said absolutely not, or no more plural marriage! Instead, she showed what women who are rooted in Christ, resilient, mature, wise, self-respecting, forgiving, down to earth with reality, and who wish to be dedicated wives and mothers are like. Good women who look to Christ and treat each other as Christ are such a strength to the home and family. They are the unbreakable rock of the family.

To sum everything up, yes, I have had experience being the husband in multiple marriages and practicing plurality in our home, but it certainly was a learning phase and test of temperance and strength. It was God’s lesson to teach us what not to do, and show us what our family should not look like, in order for us to know what a godly plural family can and does look like. I look forward to marriages in the near future that while everyone is imperfect, it is perfect and beautiful for our family nonetheless.

I know you see this as rightneous issue. And religious. And probably patriarchal.

Chloe wanted to travel. This can't be sin.

But I doubt it is any of those. 95% is it desire for different lifestyle. Recently I have read how conservatives adore homestead, try it for 6 months and learn to hate it.

Reason is simple. Until you try something, you can be romantic about something. You don't have to pay any single real cost of choice. Like how homesteading isn't conductive in active social life.

 

[MemeFan]

So true.... I was just talking to my wife about a prior potential from a while back and she was warm to everything but sharing was the one thing she was not mentally able to get over. The good news was that there was a lot of bible washing that happened up to that point.

I don't know man.

I have found from closed poly people that throuple usually just happen. Active search usually fails.

People just hanging out and liking/loving each other throught time works. I think this is because of values alignment and because time deals with issues like 'I can't imagine sharing' because playful hints and imagination do it's work.

 

[Man_in_the_Middle]

I don't know man.

I have found from closed poly people that throuple usually just happen. Active search usually fails.

People just hanging out and liking/loving each other throught time works. I think this is because of values alignment and because time deals with issues like 'I can't imagine sharing' because playful hints and imagination do it's work.

Yeah, this was an organic connection that had formed. Met her through a business service company my company was using... Organic is best IMO....

 

[Joleneakamama]

We had an almost about 14 years ago that was probably the hardest thing I have been through emotionally. Even that didn't put me off of the idea.
The gal that considered life with us decided her family would never accept it. She later married a single man...about 6 years later.

I'm glad you can separate an individual's behavior from the concept and practice.

I hope Natalie is blessed with a sisterwife and giving and loving and supportive as she is..... and of course that will bless the whole family.

 

[Jamie101]

I know you see this as rightneous issue. And religious. And probably patriarchal.

Chloe wanted to travel. This can't be sin.

But I doubt it is any of those. 95% is it desire for different lifestyle. Recently I have read how conservatives adore homestead, try it for 6 months and learn to hate it.

Reason is simple. Until you try something, you can be romantic about something. You don't have to pay any single real cost of choice. Like how homesteading isn't conductive in active social life.

There is nothing wrong with social life. In fact, I encourage people who live plural marriage to become an active part of their community. That’s the only way society is going to be more understanding of people and families that live plurality.

Also, one can homestead and still live a semi-normal life in terms of socializing or traveling a little bit as a family from time to time. I’m certainly not arguing to become sticklers or hermits.

What I am arguing here is that if people are going to claim to be serious enough to want family and biblical marriage, then they have to re-prioritize the idea that life is not always traveling the world, so-called “fun“ or kicks and giggles. It’s not always about spending large sums of money on pleasure, but rather using that money to build up a home to accommodate multiple wives and potentially many children. The priority is a safe home and environment that is self sustaining in the event of disaster or civil breakdown, and the ability to feed/shelter/warm/protect my family and every member within under the same roof. The only way that’s possible is to have a homestead and enough property with resources on the property to sustain life. While it’s important as a husband to take each wife out on a date in a regular basis and get plenty of one on one time, that can’t always be traveling somewhere in the world and spending weeks at a time when I have responsibilities at home to all of my children and other wives as well. When Chloe came here, she started expecting me to run away with her and leave my other wife (who has been so gracious) here all alone with the children for prolonged periods. The farm has to run as well. When it’s time to cut and harvest hay, it’s time. If I even so much as showed concern that I missed the rest of the family and wanted to know how they were doing, Chloe would get irritated. That is not a biblical plural family, but rather a sidekick scenario. A true biblical plural family has each wife and the husband always placing the needs of each other and especially children above self.

 

[MemeFan]

There is nothing wrong with social life. In fact, I encourage people who live plural marriage to become an active part of their community. That’s the only way society is going to be more understanding of people and families that live plurality.

Also, one can homestead and still live a semi-normal life in terms of socializing or traveling a little bit as a family from time to time. I’m certainly not arguing to become sticklers or hermits.

What I am arguing here is that if people are going to claim to be serious enough to want family and biblical marriage, then they have to re-prioritize the idea that life is not always traveling the world, so-called “fun“ or kicks and giggles. It’s not always about spending large sums of money on pleasure, but rather using that money to build up a home to accommodate multiple wives and potentially many children. The priority is a safe home and environment that is self sustaining in the event of disaster or civil breakdown, and the ability to feed/shelter/warm/protect my family and every member within under the same roof. The only way that’s possible is to have a homestead and enough property with resources on the property to sustain life. While it’s important as a husband to take each wife out on a date in a regular basis and get plenty of one on one time, that can’t always be traveling somewhere in the world and spending weeks at a time when I have responsibilities at home to all of my children and other wives as well. When Chloe came here, she started expecting me to run away with her and leave my other wife (who has been so gracious) here all alone with the children for prolonged periods. The farm has to run as well. When it’s time to cut and harvest hay, it’s time. If I even so much as showed concern that I missed the rest of the family and wanted to know how they were doing, Chloe would get irritated. That is not a biblical plural family, but rather a sidekick scenario. A true biblical plural family has each wife and the husband always placing the needs of each other and especially children above self.

You aren't going to like this.

You are practicing strategy of defeat.

As one Twitter commentar put it, one of very big mistake in conservatism is dividing world between collectivism and individualism which has made conservatives incapable of collective action because you only think of yourself or at most your family.

Cities are civilization, and therefore, losing cities means losing civilizations. And conservatives won't do obvious: organize and retake cities from leftists. Nope, solution is individual: run with from cities with family. This is way you so much love to homestead.

But outcomes in your live aren't just from your actions. There are also from consequence of other people. If you live in city and people just like to throw trash everywhere, instead of putting in trash can, what will consequences be? No matter your effort, city will stink of garbage and be full of rats. At best you may be able to keep your apartment clean and not-smelly if you keep windows closed.

Unless there is big enough people concentrated in same place (as in town at least), there won't enough income to pay for teachers, doctors, repairmen etc.... And without them all such knowledge will be lost. And losing knowledge is real. US in now incapable of producing 380mm (battleship) cannons, sometimes easy for her in WW2.

And with loss of knowledge, division of labor will fail which means productivity will fail which means way poorer society. Do you want your children to be poorer in next 30 years than now?

And this is just material basis of society. What about so called social technologies (how to organize group of people)? They too will be lost, so forget any project needing more than, say, 25 people. House construction possible, bridges, dams, long roads all at risk of being lost.

This is true civilization collapse. I know where civilization won't collapse. In South Africa. State is total shithole, absoutely true. But AfriForum is doing something Afrikaners have which US conservatives never have. Opening new university, something US conservatives are incapable of doing.

And question you didn't ask yourself. Where will your children find acceptable spouses? That's only possible if you will around other families with similar values.

 

[frederick]

Unless there is big enough people concentrated in same place (as in town at least), there won't enough income to pay for teachers, doctors, repairmen etc.... And without them all such knowledge will be lost.

One of the blessings that technology has brought is the distribution of knowledge. If you want to find about e.g. replacing a part on your washing machine, a quick search on the Internet or ask AI and you can have the answer immediately. Buy the parts on EBay and you're set. There is more knowledge available to people now than ever in the past.

Changing societies is best accomplished through the transformation of one life at a time. If you preach the gospel and God saves a person and you spend a year making that person a disciple of Jesus Christ, and next year the two of you repeat that process with two more, then there are four of you impacting your community for the kingdom of God. If the four of you then rinse and repeat, it's then eight, then 16, 32, 64, etc. Remember Jesus started with just 12 and one of those betrayed Him. Yet look at the impact Christianity has had throughout history.

Wherever we are in the world, that's our mission field; at the bank, the ev charging station, the supermarket, the pub having a beer, etc. There's nowhere you can't live out the truth of God's Word and impact the lives of others for good. Cheers